The Reality of Denial
by Sugarbubbleslove
Summary: He remembered his grandfather telling him that a man could live in denial until he was faced with reality and then…it could break a man. Part of 'Comfort' Series. Season Finale Spoilers


Title: The Reality of Denial

Characters: Alicia, Maddy, Mark – Maddy/Mark – appearances of Elisabeth, Jim, Josh, Taylor and Zoe.

Rating: Teen

Disclaimers: I do not own anyone/anything from the forum Terra Nova. Fox owns Terra Nova and its characters. There is no copyright infringement intended. I do not make any profit/money or take any credit.

Summary: He remembered his grandfather telling him that a man could live in denial until he was faced with reality and then…it could break a man.

Timeline: Spoilers for the Season Finale

A/N: This is part of my 'Comfort' series and it begged to be written (sorry)

Warnings: Character death, angst, majority Mark-centric

The Reality of Denial

Mark Reynolds took in a shuddering breath as he stared at the pale face of Alicia Washington from where she lay on the table before him. His hands were clenched into fists as he tried to keep a firm hold on his emotions.

He thought back to how he got to this moment, closing his eyes to block out the sight before him.

He remembered hearing the news that Alicia Washington had died to get the Shannon family out but he pushed it to the back of his mind the moment he heard that Taylor had gotten the Shannon family, relief crashing through him over the thought of Maddy now being safe and within his reach.

He remembered the scared yet relieved look on her face when she finally spotted him after Dunham had been sent to relieve him of his post. She was the only thing that mattered at that moment; he just wanted to hold her close to him, to check for himself that the phoenix soldiers hadn't touched her.

She assured him that she and Zoe had stayed hidden in the house as much as they could, Josh being the one to collect the rations rather than Maddy doing the shopping, not that it mattered as all the stalls had been shut down thanks to the phoenix.

She had admitted that if he was to go back at that moment, he wouldn't recognise their home because it had been dramatically changed. He inwardly cursed Lucas for helping the Phoenix, Terra Nova was to be a fresh start but they were determined to destroy everything.

He had comforted her, holding her close as she cried into his chest over everything that had happened then they went for a walk just so they could get away from the other. After nearly three weeks of worrying about each other, they just needed to be alone.

Still, it niggled at him. The way his Commander looked when he thought no one was watching, the way Mr Shannon would stare off into space before his wife would bring him back. The way Maddy would part her lips, apology on her face before she would hesitate.

Zoe just climbed into his lap every night, cuddling into him and he would hold her close, assuring her that they were safe and they would get their homes back. She just nodded, a sad look on her face before she mumbled Wash's name, trying her hardest to keep her tears to the minimum.

Maybe…maybe there were truth in those words but he still found it hard to face them.

The first time it hit him was when they arrived back in Terra Nova and Wash wasn't there to greet them, he knows she would have made it even if she had been hurt, she still would have been the one to greet them with a smile on her face.

Instead it was Tom Boylan, the barman. Something within him cracked as he kept up the happy appearance while being greeted by the members of the colony, all of them relieved to see them all alive and well.

His eyes scanned for the familiar face to see that smile and acknowledging nod she would give him but he failed to pick her out among the crowd and the feeling within his gut started to become heavy. He pushed it to the side, accepting each warm welcome with a smile but he could feel Maddy's eyes on him and inwardly wondered how she knew him so well…but again, he knew her just as well and he should have known that he couldn't hide anything from her.

He led the Shannon back to their house, smiling in awe as Josh recounted how Elisabeth Shannon had tricked Weaver into thinking that she had injected a parasite into him and would give him the cure once he brought Jim back to her from the brig.

Elisabeth had just rolled her eyes in amusement as she listened to her son but he could see the hard glint that flashed in her eyes for a brief moment and that was when Mark knew there was nothing she wouldn't do for her family. He had always thought Jim Shannon was dangerous, he was a cop and had been trained to use a gun, but Elisabeth Shannon was a qualified doctor and probably knew a lot of ways how to kill a man.

That sent a shiver of fear down his spine but at the same time, it impressed the younger man and it made him ferociously protective. He never wanted Doctor Shannon to have to face a situation like that again.

The conversation changed to Jim asking Elisabeth where Wash's body would have been taken. He vaguely remembered hearing her saying that they would have moved the body over to the medical facility, that's what they did with everyone else who had been killed; the body would still be there because they had re-taken Terra Nova shortly after that.

He turned his head when he had felt a warm hand on his arm to see Maddy standing there with a concerned expression. She parted her lips but he just kissed the side of her head, cutting her off.

"I have to go, I need to check out my place and make sure the soldiers are getting the help they need," he told her before he lifted his head and gave a wave to the family only to get a look from Zoe, one that was similar on her older sister.

He left the house wondering once more just how the younger women could know him so damn well.

He was well aware of the looks of pity and sorrow when he walked past everyone. They all knew of his and Wash's close relationship and each one just cut a little deeper before he brushed it off. Right now, he had to deal with his soldiers and to make sure his place was still intact.

He entered his house only to stop short at the sight of devastation that greeted him. Obviously the phoenix soldiers knew that this was a soldier's house and had trashed it, in retaliation or during a search, he doesn't know and right now, he doesn't care.

His feelings built up when he spotted broken glass on the floor near the kitchen. A feeling of dread started up as he moved closer before kneeling down and he gritted his teeth. It was a picture of him and Wash; she had an arm slung around his shoulder, the sides of their faces pressed together as they smiled into the camera

He carefully brushed the glass away before picking up the picture, smoothing it out and dropped it onto the table that had survived the destruction before he left his house, unable to face it. Anger was building within him and he needed to do something.

He approached his soldiers and got the news of the container that was still in Terra Nova. He checked to make sure they all had seen the doctors and received the notice that they were fit for work before he left to see the Commander and tell him of the news.

Even when he approached Taylor and Mr Shannon as they watched the colony from the balcony, his eyes searched for the woman who had become like a big sister and a mother rolled into one. She had been the one who take him under her wing he arrived in Terra Nova alone due to his family dying back in the future.

His heart cracked wider, cutting deeper when he failed to spot her once more but he still refused to face reality. She was somewhere being busy, helping someone out or currently being held against her will in the medical facility, she hated it when she had to get a check-up; it always took a threat from Taylor to get her moving.

A faint smile crossed his lips at the memory of the time she had balked against getting a check-up, declaring that she was fine and she could take care of herself. Taylor had just crossed his arms, narrowing his blue eyes as he stared at his Second-in-Command with Wash mirroring him.

"Wash, get checked out or I will tell those young soldiers about that time we were in that pub," Taylor promised her. It was the first time he had seen fear cross the young woman's face before she gritted her teeth, glaring at Taylor who was now sporting a smirk. With a muttered curse, she let the nurse lead her away to get checked out while Taylor just shook his head fondly and walked off, leaving the Soldiers curious.

He never did get an answer to what happened and he wondered if he ever would when a hand clapped down on his shoulder, he turned his head to see Taylor standing next to him as he stared at the piece of ship that had been in the container the Phoenix Soldiers had been transporting back to the future.

"Son," Taylor started but Mark took a deep breath and turned to face the man fully.

"Did she face him like a soldier?" he asked. Taylor didn't even need to ask who he was talking about and he nodded.

"They put her on her knees but you know Wash, she's never the one stay down. She got up and faced him head on, like a true soldier you and I aim to be," Taylor promised him and Mark nodded, swallowing.

"Thank you," he told him before walking away, fully aware of Taylor's concerned eyes on his retreating back.

Here he was, standing next to the gurney. She looked peaceful and there was a small smirk on her face, no doubt put there the moment she died. She died as a soldier protecting a family that had come to mean so much to them.

He felt the urge to put his fist through something, preferably the man's, who shot her, face. Even though he knows it was Lucas Taylor, Commander Taylor's son, he would never be able to forget it. That man had worked with people in the future to destroy Terra Nova and killed Wash.

He breathed heavily, hanging his head as his nails dug into his palm. The physical pain gave relief to the emotional pain that threatened to overwhelm him before he opened his eyes, a hand reaching out to her face and his fingers, trembling, stroked her cheek.

She was cool to the touch and his fingers pressed harder, almost if he was trying to wake her. Maybe she was just sleeping, maybe they were wrong…his heart cracked more when he realised that she was never going to wake up again.

His hand dropped back to his side as he breathed heavily and he felt something warm touch him.

"Sweetheart?" the soft accented voice of Elisabeth Shannon cut into his thoughts and he turned his head to see her standing next to him, her hand on his arm with a look of understanding and he felt his throat clog up, tears burning the back of his eyes.

"I…" he was embarrassed to hear his voice crack before he cleared it. "I just needed to…" he was cut off as a harsh sob broke free from him and Elisabeth wrapped him up in her arms. He stood stiffly for a moment before he caved, his arms going around her waist, his face burying into her shoulder as he cried.

She hummed softly, her hands running over his back soothingly. His hands clutched the back of her top, his tears wetting the material at her shoulder but he couldn't stop. He had lost his parents before he came to Terra Nova and he lost the one person who had been a like a mother to him.

His knees buckled and she was unable to hold him up, both of them falling to their knees as she tightened her grip on him. She closed her eyes as his sobbing increased, pain racking his body and she felt tears slip free from her close lids.

She didn't know Alicia Washington as well as Jim, Commander Taylor and Mark but hearing the pain in Mark's cries made her heart hurt for them, for the loss of an amazing woman's life; she did everything she could to protect Terra Nova, their home, and sacrifice herself just to get Elisabeth's family out.

Soon the sobbing slowed down to sniffling and she pulled away, cupping his cheek as she looked into his blue eyes, which were now rimmed with redness and she sighed. She parted her lips to say something but was interrupted by a noise.

Both of them turned at the same time to see Jim and Taylor standing in the doorway with an apologetic wince. Mark stumbled to his feet, pulling Elisabeth up with him.

"I…er…I…" Mark stammered.

"It's okay," Jim tried to assure, stepping forward with a hand stretched out, much like one would approach a scared animal, but it just heightened Mark's distress.

"I…I need to go." He stumbled, darting out of the door before anyone could stop him.

"Mark!" he heard Elisabeth call but he didn't stop, needing to run away from his pain, his memories.

~_TROD_~

Maddy came out of the bedroom, she had spent the last half-hour in Zoe's bed with her, comforting her until the youngest member had finally fallen asleep. She scrubbed her face with a hand tiredly before turning her head when the door opened.

Her parents and Commander Taylor stood in the doorway, each looking worried and she felt the tension mount up. She was already worried about Mark; she didn't think she would be able to handle anything else.

"What's wrong?" she asked. The adults shared a look before Elisabeth looked at her daughter once more and fear tightened her stomach. Elisabeth stepped forward, a hand going to Maddy's arm.

"Do you know where Mark would go when he wants to get away?" Elisabeth asked. Maddy frowned, not sure where it was going.

"Why?" she asked. Elisabeth sighed as she cast a look over her shoulder where Jim and Taylor stood looking concerned before she looked at her daughter once more.

"He came by and saw Alicia's body, he broke down and we haven't seen him since," she admitted and Maddy sighed sadly, closing her eyes as a single tear slipped free. He had faced it. She opened her eyes to meet her mother's worried expression.

"I think I know where he might be," she confessed. "I'll get him." She squeezed her mother's hand before slipping out of the house, leaving behind three worried adults as they shared a look. Just when did the children become adults?

~_TROD_~

Mark just sat there, his head bowed with his legs raised in front of him. His hands were between them, occasionally lifting the dirt and watching as it slipped through his fingers. He vaguely remembered Zoe doing this with the sand when they had visited the beach. She had giggled, watching in amazement as she tried vainly to stop the sand falling.

A faint smile cross his lips at the memory before he shook it away, dropping the dirt completely on the ground when he heard the sound of soft footsteps behind him.

Mark didn't even lift his head when he felt slim legs slip along his, small hands sliding around his waist and over his stomach as a slender body was pressed up against his back and soft lips pressing against the back of his neck before a forehead took its place.

"I remembered the first time I met her, I had been so shocked." He laughed weakly. "She scared the heck out of me that I couldn't speak to her without being terrified." Maddy just stayed silent knowing he just needed to talk. "I was even more terrified when she took me under her wing but I soon got to know her and she took over the role of being a big sister and a mother rolled into one. She taught me everything she knew."

His shoulder shook as he tried to supress his tears. Maddy just tightened her grip around him; one hand went to hers and laced their fingers together. "My grandfather once said that a man could live in denial until he was faced with reality and it could break him," Mark told her. "I didn't want to face the possibility that she was dead. It was easier when we were in the jungle, I could pretend that she was still in Terra Nova fighting to protect Terra Nova."

"Mark…" she whispered; her heart hurting for the young man in her embrace.

"But it's harder to be in denial when I'm in here, she's no longer around."

"You saw her," she whispered and Mark nodded as tears filled his eyes once more.

"She looks like she's sleeping," he admitted brokenly and Maddy closed her eyes as tears slipped free. "It's so easy to believe that she could wake up and everything would be alright again." He tilted his head back to look up at the stars. "But she won't, she'll never wake up." His voice was hoarse, defeated, and she hated that sound. "What am I supposed to do?" he asked and she twisted herself so she was now sitting between his legs, her hands cupping his cheeks as she looked into his blue eyes which were now shimmering with unshed tears. "She was my family, my sister."

"Mark," she whispered brokenly, resting her forehead against his. "I am so sorry, she died getting us out." Mark shook his head, his hands covering hers.

"She died protecting you. She knew how important you were to us, to me. That's who she was, Maddy. Don't ever apologise for that, okay?" he asked and she nodded. He pulled his hands away from hers and cupped her cheeks, his thumbs rubbing away her tears.

"I wish I had gotten to know her better," Maddy admitted, breaking the silence and Mark grinned briefly.

"I think that would have scared me more than meeting her for the first time," he told her and Maddy laughed as she wiped away his tears. "She liked you."

"Really?" she asked and Mark nodded.

"You made me want to take fewer risks. Before you came, I wanted a spot at an outpost despite the fact it was dangerous. She did everything she could to discourage me but it only made me more determined…until you. I stop applying for a post, only going OTG when I required because I wanted to stay here with you. Even though she never said it, I could see it in the way she was around me. She more…relaxed; content."

"She fussed over you less?" Maddy asked and Mark laughed, shaking his head.

"She never stopped fussing over me. Kept bringing me food because she was convinced I wasn't eating properly," he admitted, a wry grin crossing his lips as a memory niggled at the back of his mind. "She was protective too, and she wasn't above threatening me either."

"Like what?" Maddy asked. Mark blanched before he shook his head.

"Never mind," he told her.

"Oh you can't do that, now you have me curious," she told him, pleading him with her eyes and he groaned, his head falling back before he took a deep breath and looked at her once more.

"Fine…she gave me a bunch of condoms," he muttered out, his cheeks tinted red before rolling his eyes at her shocked expression. "Said we were teenagers and it was better to be prepared than to be caught unprepared before she threatened to castrate me if I ever got you pregnant young." Maddy stared at him before she burst out laughing. "Maddy!" Mark whined causing Maddy's laugher to increase.

"I'm sorry," she told him, breathlessly as she tried to calm down from her laughing jag. "I'm sorry," she repeated, shaking her head. "My mother…she did the same. She gave me a shot and made me promised I wouldn't get pregnant young." Mark groaned.

"Do you think they teamed up together?" he asked and Maddy shrugged.

"Either that or it was just mother's intuition," she told him before she grinned. "It happened shortly after you declared your intentions to me." Mark groaned.

"Same time," he admitted before they both fell into soft laughers that slowly fell to silence once more, mourning for the woman who had tried her hardest to save Terra Nova and gave her life to protect them.

"Let's go home," she told him and he nodded as they slowly got up from their spot on the ground. Mark stared at the ground for a moment longer before Maddy tugged on his hand. "Come on." Both of them started the slow trek back to their homes.

It took them a while to reach Mark's home but once they did, they stopped in their tracks when they noticed lights from inside his house. Mark frowned, stepping in front of Maddy, their hands still linked as her free hand slid around the crook of his arm, the door opening to reveal Josh.

"Josh?" Maddy asked, stepping around her boyfriend and Josh gave them a short nod.

"Hey, come on." He gestured for them to come over. Maddy and Mark shared look before they walked over to the door. Josh moved out of the way to reveal the Shannon family and Taylor were inside Mark's house.

"Hey, welcome home!" Jim greeted as he and Taylor helped to straighten a cabinet that had been tipped over.

"What?" Mark shook his head as his eyes scanned the room. Elisabeth was clearing up the glass from the broken windows and picture frames. Josh had returned to gathering up all of the items that had fallen onto the ground.

Zoe was snoozing on the couch with a cover over her sleeping form. Mark frowned when he spotted the young girl before Elisabeth stood up.

"She wanted to come along and see you but she fell asleep waiting for you," she told him. Mark parted his lips to argue but he got a stern look from Elisabeth and he closed his mouth, giving her a small smile.

"What are you doing here?" Maddy asked, taking over for her boyfriend.

"We came by here to see if you had come home," Taylor spoke up as he moved a table back into place.

"We saw what they did," Elisabeth explained as she walked over with a photo in her hands. "We're so sorry sweetheart." Mark just nodded, unable to speak through the lump in his throat, especially when Elisabeth handed him the same photo he had put down a few hours ago.

Maddy rested her head against his arm as she looked at the photo.

"You look so happy," she told him.

"It was after I had passed my exams to become a soldier. She trained me in everything she knew, she was the reason I passed. She said she was proud of me."

"And she had a good reason to be," Elisabeth told him as she slipped an arm around his waist, hugging him. Mark nodded, not trusting his voice. Elisabeth seemed to realise that as she tightened her grip on Mark's waist briefly before she stepped away to finish tidying up.

"Did…did the phoenix soldiers do this?" Maddy asked as she looked around the room, a frown on her face.

"The other soldiers have reported the same devastation," Taylor spoke up. "It sounded like the phoenix soldiers wanted to declare their dominance over Terra Nova and trashing a soldier's place was part of it." Maddy scoffed, shaking her head.

Mark unlinked their hands, sliding his arm around her waist and pulling her into his embrace, kissing the side of her head to stop her from going into a rant. He knew how much the soldiers had scared her. She went willingly into his arms, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest.

"They didn't break much," Josh spoke up, placing the items on the shelves before looking around then looking at Mark and shrugging. Mark briefly grinned at the other man, especially when Josh blanched when he got glares from the other members. "They didn't!" he defended.

"It's alright. Anything they broke isn't something that can't be replaced," Mark assured the others. "My pictures really the ones that holds any emotional significances and I hold a hard copy on my tags."

Taylor straightened and he walked over to Mark, who stared at him with wide-eyes, wondering if he was going to get into trouble for hacking into his tags. Taylor shot him a small smile filled with mirth and the younger man had to wonder if Taylor had developed mind-reading abilities.

"I…Wash told me if anything was ever to happen to her…you were to get this," Taylor told him, holding out his closed hand. Mark frowned, his hand going under Taylor and he watched as the tags were dropped into his open palm.

Mark stared at them for a long moment before he curled his fingers around the warm metal, his hand falling down to his side. He took in a shuddering breath before he met Taylor's pained blue eyes with his own.

"Thank you," Mark whispered and Taylor nodded, clearing his throat before he clapped Mark twice on the shoulder and left the house with Jim following suit. Jim patted Mark on the back before he hurried after the Commander.

Elisabeth watched as her husband leave before she turned back to see Mark being embraced by Maddy and Josh placing a hand on Mark's shoulder. Her heart swelled and broke at the same time.

She wished she knew the words to help Mark get past the pain of losing someone close to him but she didn't. She knew better than anyone that there were no words to help ease the pain, only time and comfort. All she could do was let him know that her family was there if he ever wanted to talk.

Her eyes wandered to her children and she saw them as adults. They had grown up so much in the last three weeks, especially Josh after the loss of Kara, his girlfriend, after doing everything he could to get the young woman here.

Her eyes landed on her youngest child who was still sleeping, undisturbed by the noises and she felt a small smile cross her face as she remembered Zoe waking up shortly after Maddy had left and demanded to know where her sister had went.

When they told her that Mark needed the time to think, she had demanded that they take her over to Mark's house so she could see him again. She knew her husband was exasperated that Mark seemed to have some sort of superpower when it came to them but she had to admit that Mark made it very easy to adore him.

She could see why Wash had taken the younger man under her wings, he gave off that quality that drew women to him, wanting to protect him but at the same time, they knew that he could take care of himself. Plus he was so good with Zoe, it wasn't hard to see why Zoe had attached herself to Mark, he treated her like she was her own person rather than just a kid.

She came out of her thoughts when she heard Josh speak.

"You should wake her up before she wakes up on her own and finds out you're here without letting her know," Josh warned Mark with a knowing look. Mark chuckled, nodding as he walked over to the couch, kneeling down.

"Zoe." He reached out, his fingers brushing against Zoe's cheek. "Zoe." Zoe's nose wrinkled before her eyes fluttered open. She yawned before she remembered where she was and why she was there.

"Mark?" Zoe sat up, rubbing her eyes before she met blue ones and she smiled sleepily. "You're home."

"Yeah, sorry for being late," he told her but she just shook her head as she reached forward, her arms slipping around his neck. Mark wrapped an arm around her waist as he straightened before sitting down on the couch.

"Mommy said you needed time to think," she told him, pulling her head away from his shoulder to look up into his face. "Do you feel better?"

"A bit," he admitted. Zoe bit her lip.

"Would a hug help?" she asked and Mark grinned.

"Yeah, I think it would." Zoe nodded before she buried her face into his shoulder, tightening her grip on him.

"If you need another hug, just let me know," she told him, her voice muffled by his shoulder. Mark chuckled, tightening his grip on the little girl.

"Thanks Z," he told her and she pulled away, giving him a sweet smile and shrugged.

"You're family, families are meant to give hugs," she told him simply. He kissed her forehead before hugging her once more as tears pricked his eyes.

He had a new family and while he knew that they could never replace Wash, the knowledge that Wash died to protect them helped him to accept her death. He would never let her death be in vain for as long as he drew breath.

The End

I wasn't happy that we never got to see Mark's reaction so I decided to write this little ficlet.

Sorry if I made you cry! If you want, I'll try and make a whole bunch of happy Wash icons to make up for it! Or Zoe! (She's cute and she can cheer anyone up!)


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